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  • Larissa Martin

Creating A ‘Chosen Family’ Taught Me The True Definition Of Family

I love this quote from the show The Fosters: “DNA doesn’t make a family. Love does.”


Recently, I realized how accurate this quote is. For far too long, I craved a “chosen family.” Everyone around me seemed to have one — and they all celebrated birthdays and holidays together and went on adventures. 

It took me years to find my “chosen family.” I realized that I needed to stop trying to fit people into this family I was trying to create that didn’t belong. 

I have created two chosen families but one of those families started at the roughest point in my life. When I lost my brother, I needed outside support from other siblings who had also lost siblings. This small group of people who have become family just got what I went through, and they helped me through all of the challenges that I faced following my loss.

These two groups of friends who became my “chosen families” always help me when I can’t talk to my biological family or when I’m struggling. If it weren’t for them, I highly doubt that I could have made it through these last couple of years. I’m forever grateful for my friends and all they do for me. 

What I love about finding “chosen families” is that you can include people from different stages of your life.

This family that you make can grow, expand, and evolve together as you all move through life. The most important thing to remember is that no matter what changes for you and your “friend family,” they will always be there for you in any way they can.

Older generations may think that creating your own family seems odd, but not everyone has a biological family that can support them in the ways that they need. Even people with wonderful biological families may need some outside perspective or crave a tight-knit group of friends to whom they can take any problem. Your closest friends may understand what you’re facing better than your family ever could. The people who love you in your biological family aren’t going anywhere, and having a “chosen family” doesn’t make your biological family’s role in your life any less important.

 DNA doesn’t define a family — your heart does. Your family is the group of people who makes you feel at home, and when you choose your family, there’s nothing more beautiful than that at the end of the day.

Featured Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash.


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